I know changing the way you think and see things is super challenging. Getting your mind to think positively and logically takes time. It is hard work. There is more to it than just adjusting your perspective. Your language has to change. Be careful how you speak to yourself because you are always listening. When you change your mind, your body will follow. I’ll let you in on a little secret, I have a huge food problem. Ever since I was 11 and was made to stand on the scale in front of family members, I began to see my body in a different way. I shamed myself a lot. I was told that I was overweight. I remember that day in my grandma’s bathroom. I weighed 101 pounds. I was told I shouldn’t weigh that much. I was told I need to lose weight. I was told my grandma weighed 110 pounds pregnant by my grandpa. I felt like complete sh*t. That is when my world of eating disorders began. I ate ice all the time instead of food. At 12, we moved to Minneapolis. I was uprooted from my school and I had to make friends in a new school. By the time I was 12 and in 6th grade, I hated my body. I hated it so much that I began eating and eating and eating. I ate so much that I was 180 pounds within the year. I stayed home and didn’t socialize. Then something happened that summer. I realized that I need to lose weight. So, I went from binging to starving myself. I rode my bike everywhere and obsessed over my looks. I was told constantly by a few girls in the class that I was ugly, they would make fun of my features. That made my downward spiral even worse. So now I feel fat and ugly. I promise you, this is a hard position to be in mentally. It took me years to even learn how to sort my feelings out. By the time 7th grade started I was 118 pounds. I was actually skinny looking. I always had a booty, so that was the next feature to be made fun of by the girls. You know what I realized though? The boys liked it! So, I paid no attention to the girls. My point in opening up to you all is, I get the mental challenges. They absolutely suck. They are so hard to break through. I am 39 years old and I am just beginning to understand who I really am. I am able to take who I saw in the mirror and actually like myself. I am no longer seeing myself through the eyes of mean teenage girls. I am shedding all of that nonsense and shining my own light. I am taking the horrible experiences of my life and learning from them. I hope to be able to share them with the world so that maybe someone out there will be helped by my advice. We have to enjoy the journey because the destination in life is death. Don’t die while you are living. Make the most of this life. Do the impossible. Love yourself. Like I said, this will be work. It took me years to be able to tell this story because I felt so ashamed of me. I vowed to fix this situation by never doing this to my children. By encouraging them to be healthy and to be supportive of them in all aspects. I do my best and I remember how I felt. No one should ever feel that way.
I love you all!