We do not find ourselves, we CREATE ourselves!

I hear from people all the time that they are trying to find who they are. I have a different opinion on that. I used to think I needed to find myself and figure out what it was I wanted to do in life. I could never find myself and I got frustrated. I thought I should just give up looking because I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to find. I wasn’t even sure of how to begin looking for myself. Did I need to go on a mountaintop and meditate like a monk? As I got older, learned lessons in my life, I began to have a new outlook on myself. I wasn’t supposed to find myself, I was supposed to create myself. That was an epiphany that I needed to move forward. I loved knowing that I was a blank canvas. I listened to myself by learning what I disliked and liked. How I did that was I began to try new things. You don’t know if you like it until you tried it. My mom always used to tell me to try something and if I don’t like it, don’t eat it again, but always try it first. So, I tried lots of things that made me think, challenged me physically, and took my comfort level to a whole new place. I became uncomfortable. I began to realize lots of things about myself. I realized I like who I am for the most part. The parts I didn’t like, I learned how to make changes. I learned I really love helping others. I love the feelings I get by showing another person love. I love showing other people their own potential(or at least getting them to realize they have a lot of potential). I love, love, love decorating. I love making my home feel like a home. I am not afraid to try weird colors and patterns. If it doesn’t look good, return it to the store. Get outside of your box, find what you like, and just do things that make you happy. The one thing I want to get out of life is experiences and feelings. I love feeling positive. I have had a person who used to be close to me say, I am full of shit because how can a person really be as happy as I am. Honestly, I have seen some very dark times in my life. There are times where I felt like shooting myself and that is not a figure of speech. I had to reach in and push the rock that was covering my very dark and deep hole out of the way. I had to pull myself up, dust myself off, and remember I am worth more than what other people may think I am. I am valuable and I have a lot to offer. I can’t offer anything if I stay in my dark hole. So, I had my epiphany that I can create me. I can show the world what I have to offer if I open up and get out there. I don’t expect anything in return. There was a time I did. I used to many years ago do things and secretly expect the same treatment in return. That was my mistake. If I do something for someone now, I don’t expect them to return the favor. It is not like I am making a “nice deed” deposit into the bank and I am able to withdraw it later. That is not how life works. I realized that there are people out there who will use me, say nice things to me for their own gain, and not be there when I need help. These realizations did not stop me from doing good deeds and helping others. The realizations freed me from my impossible expectations. That is when I really began to live and love life. See, it doesn’t matter what others do or don’t do for you in return that matters, it is how freely you give as a person. Give and love generously. That is good for your soul. Your senses become heightened when you reach that level too. It is truly an odd and wonderful thing!